


Promise Me

by aflawedfashion



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: Amanda's hallucinatory attack mention, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aflawedfashion/pseuds/aflawedfashion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Amanda nearly died from a malfunctioning EGO implant in 2x05, Irisa finds Nolan sitting outside, lost in his thoughts. “We’re not just talking about Amanda anymore, are we?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise Me

The first rays of sunlight were peeking over the horizon as Irisa practically bounced onto the porch, planning to disappear before Nolan got home from Amanda’s and before anyone in town could stop her and force her to come up with another lie she didn’t want to tell about where she was going. She had already told too many lies, been acting too strange, and the whole town was starting to notice… or maybe it was all in her head that they had noticed. She couldn’t be certain anymore. 

The door slammed behind her, and Irisa could practically taste her freedom, but just as the smallest hint of a smile started to crack her harsh facade, she froze. Nolan was sitting hunched over in the middle of the narrow staircase leading to the street below. She had been caught.

Irisa crossed her arms defensively, preparing for him to fight her over sneaking out. “What are you doing out here?” she asked, her voice filled with annoyance, but it wasn’t entirely genuine. Part of her was grateful for each day that he refused to stop acting like her father.

“Didn't feel like going inside,” Nolan said, his voice raw, but worryingly without emotion.

Irisa tilted her head to the side, realizing this wasn’t about her sneaking out. “Are you ok?”

“Fine,” he answered, but his flat, almost vacant tone did nothing but make her worry about him more.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Just needed some time to think, and it appears that middle of the night is the only time there isn’t a crisis in this town to distract me from that.”

“It’s six in the morning,” Irisa said as she slowly walked down the stairs, each step echoing in her head until she stopped just behind him. “Were you sitting out here all night?”

“No, not all night,” he said with his back still facing her, and she wished he would turn to look at her. It was unnerving talking to him like this.

“I thought you were with Amanda,” Irisa said, worried that something had happened between the two of them. She was grateful he had been spending most of his nights with her, not only because Amanda was a distraction that prevented him from noticing some of her reckless behavior, but also because Irisa was relieved he had found someone else he could turn to. Any hope Irisa had for her own future was rapidly fading, and she didn’t want him to be alone if something were to happen to her. With every passing day, she became more of Irzu’s puppet and less of Nolan’s daughter, and it was destroying her. As long as he had Amanda, he wouldn’t be alone when all of this came to its inevitable conclusion... and then maybe he’d be ok without her.

“I stayed with her for a while, but she fell asleep pretty early, and I left,” Nolan said. “She’s not really in the mood for bed sharing company after everything that happened.”

“I can understand that,” Irisa said as she sat down next to him, finally seeing his face. The dark circles under his eyes betrayed that he hadn’t slept, and he looked like hell. “How is she?”

Nolan took a deep breath, and shook his head. “Don’t know. She says she’s fine… like she always does, but she’s pretty shaken. That EGO had the ability to manipulate her consciousness, her memories… everything that makes her Amanda, and someone put it in her head without her consent. When she started hallucinating, I thought Pottinger spiked her adreno. He’s certainly slimey enough. But an EGO? That has to be bigger than an asshole trying to chup her. Who would target her like this?”

“I don't know,” Irisa said, and she honestly didn’t. Amanda wasn’t the mayor anymore. She wasn’t in a position of power. “It doesn’t seem to make much sense.”

“No… but even if we don’t know why this happened to her, it did, and a malfunctioning EGO can dig its claws into your subconscious, make you see anything and think it’s real. It can bring your fears to life, force you to live your worst nightmares. Amanda thought she saw someone attempt to rape her in her own bedroom. I don’t think there’s anything much worse than experiencing that. She...” Nolan just resumed shaking his head, like he couldn’t force himself to say his next thought outloud.

“You’re worried about her,” Irisa said, and Nolan nodded as Irisa gently squeezed his shoulder. She wished she was better at comforting people because all she could think of to say was, “She’ll be ok. She’s strong.” It was the truth, but it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t make him feel any better because it wouldn’t make Amanda better.

“I know. I’m just not used to seeing her like this.” Nolan paused, turning his head away from Irisa so that she couldn’t see his face. “So much has changed since last year.”

“Yeah, it has,” Irisa said softly, looking down and noticing for the first time that he was absentmindedly fiddling with an adreno pipe. Her heart skipped a beat as she grabbed it out of his hands, fearing the worst. “You're not using this are you.”

“No,” he said, but he still wasn’t looking at her.

“Are you lying?”

“Now you're the one asking me if I'm lying?” Nolan mumbled with a defeated tone that felt like a punch in the gut to Irisa. Defeat was one step closer to giving up for good, but she forced any thoughts of self pity over the state of their relationship out of her head because pushing him away was better than burying his body in the ground. This was practically destroying her. She couldn't imagine what that would do to her.

“Nolan, answer me,” she demanded, doing her best to mimic the tone he used when she got into trouble as a kid, and it must have worked because he turned to face her as she spoke. “You’re acting strange, and you’re holding an adreno pipe in your hands. I can put two and two together.”

“I’m not using adreno. I’m fine, really.” He forced a smile onto his face that fell almost instantly, like he realized halfway through that he wasn’t even capable of faking a smile to reassure her. “Amanda nearly died yesterday, I haven’t slept, and I’ve had far too much time alone with my thoughts. It was just a bad day, but I’ll be back to my usual sarcastic, clueless self tomorrow.”

“If you’re not using this, why do you have it?”

“I took it from Amanda’s room when I was looking for evidence.”

“Oh.”

“It wasn’t the only one she had, and she took one back from me... I think she has a real problem.”

Irisa nodded. “I think you’re right.”

“Was there anything I could have done sooner? I...” Nolan hesitated for a moment and looked into Irisa’s eyes, searching for an answer she didn’t have. “I’ve been sitting here kicking myself because the signs were right in front of me, and I ignored them. When she beat the shtako out of that man in the NeedWant, I knew something was wrong with her, but I didn’t confront her. I should have… It's just… I thought she was probably drinking too much because she lost Kenya… And she's spending all day in a bar where it's easy to obtain any type of drug she could want. I thought if she had taken something, it was something harmless. Something casual. Not something as addictive as adreno.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about this. People are good at hiding the things they’re ashamed of from the ones they love.” Irisa took a deep breath, forcing the next words out of her mouth. “No one wants to admit they’re falling apart.”

“She could have told me. I wouldn’t have judged her for this - I’ve fucked up in far bigger ways than drugs. I would have tried to help her.”

“Sometimes, as much as it hurts, you have to let people make their own mistakes.”

“We’re not just talking about Amanda anymore, are we?”

Irisa looked down and whispered, “No.”

“There are only two people in this entire world who I truly care about, and I’m worried they’re both getting into the kind of trouble they won’t be able to get themselves out of.” Nolan took the pipe back from Irisa and held it in front of her. “I know we haven't been in the best place lately, but you've never touched this stuff, have you?”

“No.”

“After watching Amanda of all people succumb to this, I need to have a fatherly moment, so please humor me.” Nolan made another failed attempt at giving her a lighthearted smile. “I know you’re too old for this conversation, that I should have said this probably ten years ago, but don’t go anywhere near adreno. Whatever you do, whatever mistakes you make, don’t get yourself addicted to this because it can ruin your life, but it won’t solve a single one of your problems. Promise me... because right now, I need to know that I don’t ever have to worry about losing you to this.”

“I promise,” she said as a slight smile flickered across her face - there was still one thing she could promise him without lying.

“Thank you.”

“Now that I’ve made a promise to you, can you make one to me?” She looked directly into his eyes, not wanting to let on to how vulnerable she felt asking this of him.

“Anything,” he said, and she knew he meant it. 

“I can feel you pulling away, and I know it’s entirely my fault because I pushed you away first, but I still love you. Promise me that you won’t stop loving me even though I know I’m making it nearly impossible to… Even if you don't want to talk to me anymore.”

“That’s the easiest promise anyone has ever asked me to make.” Nolan smiled, and for the first time that morning, she could see it was genuine. “Nothing could ever make me stop loving you. Nothing.”

“Thank you,” Irisa said as she nuzzled her head against Nolan’s shoulder, and he gently kissed the top of her head.

They both fell silent for a moment as Irisa tried to forget that everything was falling apart, but he quickly pulled her back to the real world by asking, “So, where were you going this early?”

Irisa shook her head, refusing to let her life ruin this moment. She linked her arm with his as if it would help keep time from moving forward. “Nowhere,” she said. “Can we just sit here for a while?”

“As long as you want.”

“What if I said I want to stay here forever?” 

“I’ll tell them to build the mausoleum around us when we die.”

Irisa grinned. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”


End file.
